My Best Friend
My version of the “Big Picture” makes me very picky about who I spend my time with. I want to spend my time with people who spark the fire in my life and I want to always feel inspired. I only feel inspired when the people around me overwhelm me with love and friendship. So here’s a post that is solely dedicated to the person that arouses that within me every day, My best friend.
When I think about our first months together, I still to this day get butterflies and most likely will all of the days of our life. I wouldn’t describe our relationship as love at first sight, but thinking back to those times, I really believe I loved him the first day we spent together. I didn’t know anything about him. He didn’t know anything about me, but there was this over-powering connection. From that first day, we continued hanging out every single day and nothing could stop us from enjoying every day (not even pesky roommates, schoolwork, or double shifts). I honestly cannot even remember the friends we hung out with those days because most nights if felt like it was just me and him. I remember spending most of those Busch Light fueled nights making out and not being able to keep our hands or eyes off of each other. I think about those nights all the time.
I love thinking back to the days before we said “I love you” because every time we kissed I felt that he loved me without even being told yet. Like the old saying goes “Actions speak louder than words” and that was true and pure in this instance. After a passionate kiss, I remember we would always look into each others eyes after and I would always think that he was going to say it (and secretly hoping he would) and he never did. I was frustrated with that at the time, but now I smile in those times because it was raw and blissful.
Now, we are not in that puppy love stage anymore, I don’t think we’ve been in that stage for awhile, but I see this piece of our journey as the best part. This is the best part because real, true, unexplainable love (like the love we share) is when all of the fleeting madness has subsided and love in itself is all that is left over. Pure love.
So Thank you, Dan. Thank you for reminding me how special and rare authentic love is.
Thank you for inspiring me every single day
and most of all…
Thank you for being my best friend.
I am so lucky that I have this zest of life. I catch myself in every day activities slowing down life and just admiring simple things like my loved ones smiling and laughing. Do that once and you’ll catch yourself doing it on an everyday basis. I catch myself looking at Dan while he does not know and just truly appreciating every ounce of his being. Just when you think you are having a normal, nothing special day, stop….look around…and notice the laughter & smiles. A smile is so beautiful.
It may not even be as pronounced as laughter, but maybe just your father reading the newspaper or watching TV. He looks so peaceful and he is present. Someday you will look back and wish more than ever that you could look over and see your dad watching TV with you. So just stop. Stop and realize that life is moving faster than you can even grasp.
When I write it may always seem morbid to you, like why does she always talk about death? In my mind it does not seem that way because I know that life ravels down to death and it is the most important thing to remember that. I see that death reminds you of how precious life is and that is a feat in itself. I feel happy and accomplished that I relate my everyday to the end of life. I am not naive and I am well aware that life can be taken away in an instant.
As I am writing this, I hear my German Shepherd, Kobe snoring and it has stopped me from writing and made me smile.
That’s all for now.
The Big Picture
Every single day, I live my life according to my version of “The Big Picture”. I strive for everyone around me to visualize that concept also, but I feel like no one understands. I do not even think I fully understand.
You see, I (and so many other people in this town) has lost an unimaginable amount of friends at the age we are at. Before my grandma passed away, she was even appalled at the amount of friends I have lost and had said that at the age of 23, I have lost more friends than she has at the age of 70.
This post isn’t going to be reliving the traumatic things we’ve gone through, because we all know how much we miss those friends, but simply a post to make you think, make you stop and smell the roses, or maybe just a look into the way I try and live my life every. single. day. I am not saying this is the right way or trying to toot my own horn either. Just a little look into how I think. Choose to continue reading or not.
Everyone wishes those things never happened and hates that God took those lives away from this life and I would agree, but it happened. People say “Everything happens for a reason”, which is one thing you just do not want to hear when you are grieving a loss, but I truly do believe there is a higher meaning to everything that happens in this world. I do not know the meaning for the rest of you, but I have found that those tragedies have changed me….for the better.
I don’t fully know if its the things I’ve gone through or just plain maturity but I have this overwhelming message that constantly reminds me of how precious life is…not just life, but more importantly the people in it. I applaud my friends and family that strive really hard to accomplish being successful and making lots of money. I just do not have that characteristic. I am okay finishing a two year degree probably making a lot less than those going to universities, I am okay living comfortably and not extrodinary. Dan had an opportunity to get a job to make 80,000 a year and I told him not to take it, because he would be traveling. Why? Because being rich and successful is the absolute bottom of my priority list. I believe in “working to live” and not “living to work”. You are not going to take all the money you have made or the promotions you have gotten to heaven, you are going to take memories, friends, and family. I am so blessed with the people in my life…my sister, my mom and dad, the rest of my family, Dan, Dan’s family, and my friends. That’s all I truly need in life. That’s my big picture.
I know the quote “Live life everyday like it is your last” is cliche, but it is so true. I used to think that quote was about going skydiving or doing something exciting every day, now I understand it as tell the people you love that you love them and make sure they know how much you care about them. I am not telling you this because I am an expert, I am still learning to do this myself. I won’t do this every single day and you won’t either. Sometimes people just a need a little reminder to do so at all though.
What the hell am I trying to say here?
Through all the hardships I’ve already dealt with and WILL deal with, I have learned so many things. I have learned that family is more important than you will EVER understand. I have learned that working and being successful is just not important to me. I have learned to be patient. I have learned to be kind. I have learned to forgive and forget. I have learned to be best version of yourself and to continue to work on that version. I have learned that it is okay to be sappy and annoying (like this whole post).
I am very proud of myself at this age, to know that life is not a right, it is a privilege. A privilege denied to many.
Okay, thats enough deep thought, seriousness, and mushy gushyness for today.